Care Partner of the Month (cont'd)

Chrissie Brantley -
Cold Spring, NY

Despite her dramatic recovery a part of Debbie did die that night in Montgomery and as with all who survive stroke, life will never be the same. Being a twin adds an extra dimension to life. It is both complex and wonderful. "Twin-ness" (as a friend calls it) allows you to experience a part of your psyche not experienced by others. To witness my sister wake up bald, brain damaged and robbed of her confidence and her dignity were next to impossible for me to bear. Seeing her through this without really being able to know how it felt to have to learn to walk again, or what it was like to struggle desperately to find words for thoughts, to attempt to voice inflections which once came naturally or how it felt to find that not only was the world as I had once known it become different and as such my ability to participate in life in the way that I had always done so changed, but also my ability to process my thoughts and my feelings, as well as emote in the way to which I was accustom, had vanished in an instant - this has become the most transformational experience of my life.

I have discovered that being a care partner demands that you give of yourself beyond limits. When feeling overwhelmed by my own self-pity and desperate for clarity I find that I am humbly brought back to my own strength by Debbie's grace and commitment to her continued recovery. For those of us on this immense and difficult journey know as "recovery" from stroke we are all too aware that it knows no time. It respects no boundaries. It requires great acts of love in infinite quantities. It leaves little or no room for daily displays of humanity (frustration, anger, sadness). Stroke seems to drag on beyond human limits and if not well tended tears away at one's spirit. Despite all, it provides us each of us, both survivors and care partners, with incredible opportunities as we allow both the tribulations and accomplishments to carve out more and more pieces of our souls. We are led deeper into our spirits and into the life that we were born to live - joy returns as we come to know a life well lived.

As Debbie and I each face the challenges of her recovery these words, by Patrick Overton, are words we have come to live by:

'When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on - or you will be taught how to fly.'"