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 Care
Partner Feature Story
page 3 Your Life & Their Recovery by Max Szadek The one thing I've learned to do is acknowledge how much it hurts. It hurts to see someone you love struggle to fight to get their life back and it hurts to know your life is different. We all have regrets and for many months I had to deal with mine. My boss has had a very public ongoing battle with his weight throughout his career. Over the years, I've tried to stop him from indulging in unhealthy habits as much as I've tried to encourage him into healthier habits. I actually turned him on to step aerobics both on the road and off. It hasn't been easy to look back and not ask myself, "What if I had ...?" Certainly, if I could have looked into a crystal ball and seen what devastating effect diabetes would have on him, I would have done something, but like most Americans I was naive to this disease and the repercussions. Over the past year, I learned to embrace the uncertainty of his recovery and to let go of my expectations. This was no easy task as I'm sure all care partners know. As a well person I've been conditioned to believe that if I can run two miles today then tomorrow I should push myself to run two and a half miles, but that's obviously not exactly the best approach for a care partner. In fact, it's the exact opposite. Logically, progression should be constant but that's exactly the kind of thinking and expectation that will drain a care partner. I've found it very helpful to write down my expectations, read through them over a glass of wine and then tear them up when I feel low because we've hit yet another plateau. Many times on my way home from a therapy session I find myself saying over and over again, "It's your life, Max, but it's his recovery." This little reality check helps me seize the moment and let go of my expectations for him.
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