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Partner of the Month
-September/October page 5  Ted Levy Jupiter, Florida I remembered the caregiver booklets they gave me at the hospital that say let someone take over periodically so you can have a few days respite, take a short vacation or you will burn yourself out. I missed the paragraph about what to do if the family is totally dysfunctional, and offers no help. Or what to do if you don’t trust hired help from some country you never heard of to properly watch your loved one. Whoever wrote the booklet is not a caregiver. It was nice theory, but it did not come close to my situation. The nursing functions went on for years. I lacked sleep and peace; it wore me down. I had to work; I became a zombie. I just kept pushing myself. I lost 36 pounds after the first few months. I was fatigued all of the time. I felt sick, could not eat, could not sleep and I trembled when I held anything in my hand. Sometime I could not read or concentrate. I could not write a check or balance the checkbook. My body and mind had received a major blow; they have never rebounded totally. I did not get nursing instruction on how to move Helaine to and from the wheel chair or in and out of the bed. One day I moved her ever so slightly while she sat in a heavy dining room chair. It was just enough to give me a hernia to add to my list of problems. I had someone stay overnight to care for Helaine. The day after surgery I was back on the job as a one handed caregiver. The incision took a long time to heal and it hurt. I received limited help from friends and family. They were scarce; the help was mostly what I paid for. What else is new, by that time I was getting use to it. Compassion for me has never been much of a subject. I’ve always been a type A personality: wired. Type A worked fine when I was on the road selling jewelry. That was my world, and I functioned very well in it. I often wish it never changed. But life is a constant state of change, it goes on with or without you. I’ll admit that change is difficult sometimes, but you have to change and go with the flow. It is often essential to survival to do so. My wife could hardly move. Her body was limp and she had no energy. Her foot flopped to the right from lack of muscle control. Her toes were curled so it was difficult and painful for her to walk. She really couldn’t walk more than a few steps anyhow. The surgeon would not operate on the carotid arteries because Helaine’s liver functions were way out of normal range. The doctor said he was more concerned about her liver than her carotids. The left carotid was closed 100 percent, it still is. The right was closed about 80-85 percent. I feared another stroke or a heart attack. It was like walking on eggs for almost a year.   |
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