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Care Partner of the Month -September/October
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Ted Levy
Jupiter, Florida

While I was taking Helaine back and forth to the Chief of Vascular Surgery at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York to plan her carotid artery surgery to prevent another stroke, my sister-in-law was being counseled by the manager of the corner health food store. She persistently argued with me about Helaine’s herbal treatment and acupuncture cure for her stroke. I couldn’t believe it! It was as though she thought that she had discovered a cure for the common stroke. Sometimes I could not control my anger. I was exhausted. The entire episode was so damn stupid and annoying.

On a cold, bleak Sunday afternoon, Helaine sat on the edge of the bed and muttered: “die”. She pointed to herself. I knew what she meant -- I can read her mind. I said, “Helaine are you talking about ending your life?” She indicated, “Yes.” I said, “I want to say this only once. If you want to take your life, I will do it with you right now. I have an abundance of pills in the bathroom, and we’ll do it together. I don’t want to live without you!” She indicated she did not want me to take my life but she just wanted to end her life. “That’s not the way it’s going to be; we either end our life together now or we fight like hell and get you back to good health. It’s your call! If not, I never want to hear about suicide again.” I stood and started toward the bathroom. She shook her head “No,” she did not want me to end my life. I said, “Remember what I am saying to you now. We will never speak of suicide again. We will have a life, I promise. I will never leave you. I love you. We are soul mates forever!” Suicide came up once more a few months later. I had done a good job the first time around so I was able to put it to rest quickly.

Dealing with the medical insurance HMO’s is a full time job in itself. The communications, the doctor referrals, the bills, the record keeping, the follow-ups, etc. are so additionally complicated when you are under stress from illness, but paradoxically one is still suppose to act normal and hold life together just as it was before the tragic stroke. Employees that worked for the HMO were just employees. They went home at five. It was just a job to them, but our monetary future was on the line. For me it was part of our survival. Helaine and I always talked about everything and made decisions together. All of the decisions were mine now big time. Decisions about life and the quality of life after a major stroke. I was not ready for this responsibility, but how do you prepare for the tragedy of a devastating stroke?

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