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Care
Partner of the Month-September/October
2005 Shirley Smith Mount Vernon, NY After years of devoted work Shirley was looking forward to the promise of a stable retirement. Instead she found herself caught in a whirlpool of struggles that not only caused a major change in her personal plans but also the lives of everyone around her. Shirley says: "As the care partner of a stroke survivor, all I can say is be aware and be informed. I would take a notebook with me to the hospital and write down everything that goes on (i.e., temperature, blood pressure, meds given, time, which doctors came in, etc.) I've found you have to ask questions of everyone, sometimes just to see if everyone is on the same page. Read, read, read as much as possible. Ask, ask, ask questions of anyone and everyone. Seek out a support and resource system like Stroke of Hope. You can't do it alone. If something doesn't seem right don't be afraid to question it. Let the professionals explain to your satisfaction what is going on. At times I was resentful, because I felt I was being penalized because of his illness and his not taking care of himself. I asked myself "why do I have to change my lifestyle to care for him 24/7"? I feel I am a non-entity with no life since I am unable to do the things I had retired to do. When I retired in 2001 I was ecstatic to be able to do whatever, whenever and wherever I pleased; travel, shop, lunch with friends, sleep late, the choice of getting up or staying in bed all day, pampering myself without rush or worry, taking up a new hobby. But I have come to terms with all of this and I have let it all go. With my faith I am able to move on to do what I am able to do and put it all in perspective. I am still afraid to leave him alone at home because the possibility of another seizure is so real until the Dilantin level is stabilized. David has come a mighty long way since last year. He is now able to walk about 100 feet with a 4-prong cane, and do many things on his own that he could not do before. Always think positive. If you're in a wheelchair, you will be able to get out one day. Keep reminding yourself you will get up and walk some day. Continue your therapy at home. Do your exercises during the day, in bed, in the chair, while watching T.V., whenever you can. Don't take anything, especially life, for granted. You will have crazy thoughts sometimes, but let it go, things will get better. Join a support group like the Hope Group that Stroke of Hope offers. You think that no one understands, but you will be surprised, especially when you realize there are others that are worse off than you. Get a hobby. Don't dwell on yourself. Get busy doing something. You will find that friends stay away, not because they don't love you but usually because they don't know what to say or what to do. Don't take it personally. You will realize that life will not go back to where it was prior to the stroke, but you must remember you are a survivor and you ARE above ground!" 
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